you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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