we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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