Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
