I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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