My hand turned me down
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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