This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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