Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
