Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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