4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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