I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
