I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
love makes seman taste better
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
