Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
