My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
