your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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