3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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