I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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