I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
