i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
