Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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