living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
