TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
