you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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