He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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