Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
