You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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