I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
