On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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