if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
