I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!