We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
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I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?