I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?