Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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