she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just made my gag reflex go away.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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