My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
