ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
