She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
