there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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