I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
