Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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