He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just forgot I was standing up.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
