if i can run in heels then i can drive
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
