: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
