Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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