He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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