...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
