fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
