Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
