okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
