If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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