he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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