Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
