im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
