I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
