i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
