You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i think my cat just said my name.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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