cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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