i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize