sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
