my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
