she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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